Halt!

Have a good look at all these people.

These are all the people I hate. I hate em. Hate em.

Ok, hate may be a lil bit too harsh. Let me rephrase. These are all the people I want dead.

Just kidding. CALM DOWN PEOPLE.

I’m actually safely categorizing them as competitors. Why competitors? Well, I dunno…maybe it has something to do with the fact that they walk like they’re hiding a turbo engine in between their legs running on super efficient fuel dosed with steroids, leaving me behind looking all slow and pathetic.

I mean seriously, check out the lady dressed in green on the furthest left. She was so fast, there was no way I could have beaten her. And believe me, I tried. I tried everything from taking larger steps to hailing down a cab. I even tried hurling my heels towards her. And despite all that, she totally schooled me. In case you haven’t noticed, she’s middle age. Which makes this story a tad more pathetic on my side.

Don’t even get me started with the lady dressed in white in front of her. Look, she’s even carrying weights with her right hand. And a bigger than normal handbag on her left arm. That’s proven scientifically as an added disadvantage. I checked the rules and regulation stated under Olympics 101. Something to do with the aerodynamics of a runner and gravity pull or some sort. For some insane reason, those weren’t slowing her down a bit. She’s middle age too by the way. So someone please kick me now.

If you’ve also noticed, the couple in front of me even had time to chat. I’m sure there were some smiles and romantic words thrown in. Perhaps a bit of singing and poetry reading in between. I, on the other hand, was busy catching my breath, wiping sweat off my armpits, searching for my collapse lung somewhere on the floor, and all this while balancing the damn phone on my hand.

Seriously, WHAT THE HECK ARE THESE PEOPLE ON??

I can say that all this picture is missing would be a granny with a prosthetic leg dashing pass me. But come to think of it, that’s actually quite acceptable seeing that she’s a quarter robot anyway. So it’s pretty un-pathetic for her to limp pass me. I’ll allow granny to live. For now.