And Chomot Was His Name-O!

Raja’s sister, Ayu, used to have this unusual cat. Named Chomot.

I’m saying it’s an unusual cat NOT just because it was treated like a person, a prince, a royal majesty. Who had wagyu beef for dinner, who was dressed in a knitted sweater, or who was chauffeured around town. I’m saying it’s an unusual cat simply because Chomot scares the heck out of everyone. EVERYONE. Well, everyone except Ayu.

At first, I was pretty hesitant. Doubtful. Uncertain. Why everyone is being extra extra extra extra (take a deep breath) EXTRA careful around this cat is totally beyond me. Ok, so Chomot was saved from the jungle and ate snakes for breakfast. He had probably killed a man or two. But that doesn’t prove anything. Fact is, he’s just a cat.

So when I first laid my eyes on Chomot I was like all Aawww…so cute…so soooo cute…come here you cute kitty kitty…

Raja’s eyes immediately made this crazy twitch that looked like he was transmitting Morse codes screaming NOOOOOOO…YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!! RUNNNNNNNN…RUN WHILE I DISTRACT THE WILD BEAST…YOU GO SAVE YOURSELF!!

But as I stroked Chomot’s tiny head, nothing happened. No attacks. No killings. No dead bodies.

I think he likes me, I remembered saying to Raja.

From then on, I posed a liking for Chomot. True to form, Chomot was indeed adorable. With his soft white coat covered with splashes of dark brown spots and his stumpy wagging tail. He was an angel.

One day, I sat myself next to him. Feet up on the couch with the newspaper in my hands, elbows resting against my knees. As I flipped through the pages, I could see Chomot staring at my toes. He looked reassuringly innocent so I paid no attention and continued flipping.

Almost immediately I felt a sharp stinging pain coming from below. I looked down and saw my toe in Chomot’s mouth. HE WAS EATING ME. Before I could pull my feet back, he withdrew. I let out a sigh. Woah, that was close.

But the wild beast wasn’t done. He attacked me again. The same toe. Only this time, he bit harder, firmer, angrier. And he wasn’t letting go. It was as if the first bite was a practice shot and the second was MEANT TO KILL. I could literally feel everyone around me taking a step back, gasping in awe, and pulling out their video cameras as Chomot feasted on the chosen sacrifice. Me.

I remembered shrieking. Not out of delight. I remembered fainting. Infinite times. I remembered seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and my great great ancestors calling out to me. Okay, I’m exaggerating here. Truth is, it was excruciating.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally unclenched his jaws of death. I think he gave up seeing that my toe refused to part with the rest of my foot. Needless to say, I was just happy to get rid of Chomot before further damage was done to the rest of my body parts.

From then on, I no longer posed a liking for Chomot. Instead, I posted a huge WANTED sign on his forehead.

Despite being a freelance assassin, Chomot was indeed adorable. With his white coat covered with splashes of dark brown spots and his wagging stumpy tail. He was an angel. Well, he was also the devil. Almost 3/4 of Chomot was practically formed by the devil himself. But that’s what makes him perfect.

Unfortunately, Chomot was diagnosed with kidney failure and had passed on to a better world. Nevertheless, his memories and killing attempts will forever be embedded in our hearts, minds, and souls.

Ayu was kind enough to send me a picture of Chomot. Ain’t he a doll?